Every Man Is An Island

I stand by that. But clearly some men are island chains. Underneath, they are connected...

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

A few nights ago, my roommate Craig and his girlfriend Nikki came home from the movie Troy. Craig enjoyed the hot chick that played Helen, but Nikki was completely enchanted by Brat Pitt, who will be referred to as The Brad. I had a issue of entertainment Weekly, which comes free because I purchased something at Best Buy, laying around. Nikki paged through it and ogled The Brad. Because of these actions, Craig became irritated. As I sat in the chair, Craig had Nikki in his grasp while she expressed her burning desires for The Brad. Being the ass I am, I took the magazine with The Brad on the cover and beat her in the face with it. It was quite hilarious.

I continued to tease and harass her with the magazine featuring The Brad on the cover and enjoyed myself thoroughly.

Now the stage must be set for events to follow. The week before I had ordered some speakers for my computer online. They were made by Klipsch and were the ProMedia 2.1. They offer 200 watts of power and are widely known as some of the best 2.1 speakers around. On the Klipsch website, I found the normal ProMedia 2.1 series and a special Star Wars edition. The Star Wars special edition was 20 dollars less, so I figured what the hell. They only have a small logo on the sub which will be out of sight underneath my desk. No other site I researched sold the regular ProMedia 2.1 for less than $149.99. So I purchased the Star Wars special edition for $129.99. I'm saving 20 dollars so having a Star Wars logo on the sub doesn't bother me. Besides, the whole set is silver instead of black and the little light is blue rather than orange. Personally, I prefer the space age Star Wars color scheme to the regular one. So a week later they arrive. Apparently the box is some sort of collectors item so it is packaged inside of another shipping box. Also, the speaker set came with a certificate of authenticity. I now own number 240 out of 1000. Now I know the reason for the sale. Only 239 sets had been sold previously. Klipsch must have been getting desperate to unload these babies.

Anyway, in my apartment we all make fun of each other all the time, and when an opportunity comes up to rip on somebody, it cannot be passed up. My bitch ass roommate Craig took full advantage to make fun of me for buying Star Wars speakers, although by self proclamation he is a bigger Star Wars fan than I. Up until the The Brad incident I faced a few days of him making fun of me, of which I will probably never hear the end.

Back to the real action, I am beating Nikki in the face with the Entertainment Weekly magazine with The Brad on the cover. As Craig holds her back I wave it in front of her outstretched hands as she desperately pleads for me to hand over The Brad. This continues on for a few fun filled minutes. I leave the room for a second to think of what I should do next. Should I stop and let things become peaceful, or should I escalate the situation? It was a no brainer. I promptly offered Nikki a deal. If she could completely fit herself into the packaging box that my speakers came in, I would give her The Brad. Being the naive little girly she is, she played along. She never suspected an ulterior motive. Common, she should know better by now. After the hammock incident she should have had her guard up 24-7. For some reason she accepted the challenge. I attributed this to the fact that she had probably had a beer sometime earlier in the evening and was completely bombed. As she attempted to get in the box, I stood there laughing holding the magazine featuring The Brad in front of my face to cover my devious smile and my camera in hand. As she lowered herself knee first into the box and keeled over, I broke out the camera and began snapping pics. Fantastic. Somehow I convinced her that the only chance she had of fitting into this box was to go in butt first so that her legs would be pressed against her chest. By now, Craig was ready with his camera and The Beefcake was standing in the doorway hiding the duct tape behind his back. Nikki in the mean time was blinded by her quest to get The Brad and was completely oblivious to all of this. She got into the box butt first and couldn't quite get the flaps shut, so we helped her out a little. Once we had 3 of the flaps shut, The Beefcake broke out the duct tape, and the rest is history.

We took many many pictures sometimes changing angles so that we captured her face inside the box and other times getting the box with just her feet sticking out. In the end I finally let Nikki out of the box by telling her to thrust forward with all her might. She did just this and broke free. As she lay half inside the torn box, I snapped one final picture of this memorable moment. Once I get the pictures developed I hope to figure out how to post them. It will be fantastic.

Oh yes, Nikki never got The Brad because she was not entirely inside the box as was originally agreed upon. How disappointing.

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