The Genus of Friends

I've often wondered where to draw the line between a friend and an acquaintance. How do you know when to call somebody a friend? It's a very grey line. There are even different classifications within the word friend.

I'd say that an acquaintance is definitely a friend of a friend. It's like one of those people you meet and you forget their name within 5 seconds and only know them by some feature like the color of their shoes. So then you refer to the for the rest of the night as red shoes. They may be your facebook friend, but they are the kind you merely say hi to in passing and that's it. I even have facebook friends that I don't say hi to, sad.

But what about the people you would say more than hi to, maybe even make some small talk, that is if you ever saw them. What are these people called. I'd like to say that they are more than acquaintances, but it's not like you hang out or ever talk in more than passing. I ask myself if my life has changed by seeing them, probably not. Maybe they were once some sort of friend but have fallen back into the category of acquaintance.

Then there's the situational friends. You only see them in certain situations. The best example are class friends. You are friends in class, but once you are out it's over. A few other common ones are work, sports, clubs... You only hangout with them then and don't really actually have that much else in common because if you did, you would probably hang out more.

Now between this and the next category is the mushy part. Maybe someone is now simply a situational friend that could turn out to be a real friend or maybe they were once a real friend but have regressed into the situational friend.

Finally, there are the real friends. These are people like roommates. People who you can call just out of the blue to just hang out, talk, or the ultimate test, do less than nothing. There's no we can only hang out if we are doing this crap. These friends generally come few and far between. The best case is the hey what are you doing tomorrow night, let's hang out. It's very short-term notice and nothing necessarily needs to be planned. It can be a hey just come over and we'll figure something out.

Now it should be noted that people can freely flow between these categories quite easily.

So then there's the dilemma of classification. Sometimes its hard to realize what species people fit into. It's probably the toughest to admit that somebody may just be a situational friend. But neither side should continue to delude themselves. It'll just get awkward. Just set things straight. None of this oh we should hang out garbage because that never works. Also, if it's one of those hang out things where you need to set something up, that's a definite indicator of a situational friend. It's even more true if it needs to be a group hang.

Don't feel bad if you get classified into the situational friend category, that's just the way it is. Recognizing it early on will make everybody's life easier.

Then we come to the parting line. There are many lines, but some are more appropriate than others. Generally, people say talk to ya later or some variation of that line which implies that you will seek them out or something. This is usually not the case. So I just like to go with talk to ya. No implications. I wish I could use the I'll see ya when I see ya, but that's too long and I think people generally don't like that feeling of somebody saying I don't care when I see you next.

What next. I like to call it the three-strike rule. It has to do with mutual efforts. See when somebody calls you to see if you can hang out or something and you can't fine. But if said person continues to try to hang out and you just never can, it says something. If you were a real friend, you'd want to make time to hang out and realize that the effort means something. There may even be a feeling of obligation, which in this case isn't bad. If you feel obligated to hang out because the other person keeps trying, I see that as a good obligation feeling. Thus, when there's no try back, it's a bad sign. So the rule goes like this. After three swings and misses without any effort back, that's it. No more. I quit. Not like it's your turn. It's just that I've realized that hanging out to you just isn't that important. And nobody enjoys continually getting rejected.

Ok, then there are the long distance friendships. Like the phone or more plausible case, email at least with guys. These are people that you would be real friends with if it weren't for the geographical barriers. The emails aren't written because you have to ask them something or whatever. They are specifically written for no reason, just to say hi or see what's going on with them. If these people were around, there'd definitely be some hanging out.

Finally, the drunk dial. People don't just drunk dial randomly. There's a method to it. You drunk dial people you like. So if you receive a drunk dial, don't be angry, pick it up even if the call woke you up. Take it as a sign that the person values your friendship. I generally get the feeling that people dislike getting the drunk dial. I've often noticed that drunk dials are ignored purposely. That feeling has caused me to abstain from drunk dialing.

In conclusion, screw the conclusion.