Mount Suzy Erupts at AMS

Health Care Affairs Journal
Volume 1, Issue 2
Newsletter Date: 10/1/2010

Tragic Desk Collapse Injures Hundreds

Minnetonka, Minnesota – On a beautiful fall afternoon, employees at AMS went about their work days as normal. The Friday late afternoon chatter had begun to pick up. Today’s discussion was surrounding the suspension of legendary local sports vendor Wally “The Beer Man” who was caught selling beer to a minor at the Twins-Toronto game at Target Field.

At about 2 pm CST a minor rumble was felt as the Health Care Affairs team cried blasphemy at the suspension. “We were just talking about Wally and how ridiculous the suspension is when we felt a small rumble. Having lived near Mount Suzy for a few years, we were all afraid of what might happen if the small rumble was a mere foreshadowing of events to come so we decided to disperse,” noted Mark Pixler.

A few moments later, the first activity was spotted by area watchman Ben Van Thorre. Paper began to fly and files began to flow down the side of Mount Suzy, which had lain dormant for over 2 years. The local sirens bellowed as evacuation notices went out.

“We all grabbed what we could and got the heck out of there. Everybody was all in a tizzy,” explained Nancy Robb.

But it was too little to late for one Ta-Yuan Ho who was unable to escape the fury of Mount Suzy.

“Dash had just moved into the area just about a month ago. He didn’t know the dangers yet like the rest of us,” stated Shelly O’Reilly, “It’s just so tragic, so tragic.”

Currently, over 150 have been injured, but the death toll remains at just one. “There could be more out there,” said Van Thorre, “We have to make sure we find them all.”

A state of emergency has been declared in the south building at AMS, and all available emergency units have been called to the area. On Monday, Governor Pawlenty will be taking time away from his duties as GOP presidential candidate to visit the disaster area. Flags at AMS will remain at half-mast through the end of next week.